Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
