your thong is hanging out like whoa
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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