in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
