Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
