when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
