I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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