I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
