i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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