we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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