Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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