my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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