the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
