No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
