16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
