it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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