If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
