That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
