So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
