Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
