i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
