Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
