He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
