Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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