My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
