my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We smell like vodka and hangover
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