Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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