i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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