I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
