Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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