it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
