Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
