I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We're too hungover to prance.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
