you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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