its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
