I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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