She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
