Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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