I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
