That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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