I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
