This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
