Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
