I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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