i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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