If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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