We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
