Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
