bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
