God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
