I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You made out with two different species that night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
