I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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