Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
