I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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