It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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