I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
...so i touched it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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