She's JV to your varsity
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
