Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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