So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
