i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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