life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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