Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
