Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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